they become boyfriend and girlfriend. Then there's college. Here there is dating and there are relationships. If asked I will go out on a date with most guys that I feel safe around [this implies basic value matching as well and of course assumes that I'm not seeing someone else]. This is not because I want decided I want to pursue a relationship with this person, rather it makes sense to me because its fun, my general low rejection policy keeps mr potential from being afraid to ask, and I never know what rare gem I may find.
This significant part (and this is key!) is transitioning past single dates--and this works both ways. I think the case where there is mutual interest in pursing more is simple. Assuming both parties are honest with themselves and each other it will eventualy come up and will work it's self out for the better. Conversily, however, there are lots of great guys with whom there is no spark, or no potential for more. Where should it stop if the dates are fun in a 'friendship' kinda way? How do you communicate that you just want to 'hang out' not to 'go out' anymore. (most recently envoked strategy: "if you're cool with chilling in the 'hang out' and not 'go out' sense...I think that'd be great. If not, that's ok too.") honesty. speaking truth in love. Really it is sooooo key to be honest with yourself (because you can fall for the wrong guy just by hanging out a bunch) and with each other (because leading someone on is just wrong).
I read a list of relationship goals for the new year and found one particularly on target: resolving not to waste time on relationships that one knows cannot stand the test of time. This again hits on the whole honesty bit. Apparently that's pretty important.
Not much has been said at this point about realationships (except assumming that they are inevitable if there's mutual interest). I think relationships have the potential for being great. There are things that can't (or at least i think they *shouldnt*) be explored in casual dating. Relationships are certainly an evaluation ground for ultimate long-term commitments. But (and this is the part that excietes me) they are an opportunity to interact in a special way with someone you care about on a regular basis. Interaction of a sort that can not be experiences between friends. Interaction that allows you to explore feelings and to discover how you express them and how you best have them expressed to you. The regular nature of it also allows for self examination--an evaluation of self-consistancy. I think its important and valuable to discern if your actions towards another are constant or periodic or random. In addition to identifying qualtites about yourself, i think relationships provide a ground for honing and (to a degree) developing (not to be confused with mimicing or faking) such qualities.
A final kink to discuss: friends. I think one of my 'meeting mr longterm relationsihp' scenario's involves me realizing that a super close, standard-meeting guy friend is someone that I'm attracted too and don't want to live without. But in the mean time...I'm not sure. (Potentially) all but one relationship will end in the relativly-short-term catagory (and the longer that term is the less-likly the chance of a lingering friendship...let alone the friendship that was...) thus begging the question of the nature of guy-friendships (also how to keep guy-friends at bay.) The answer...well my answer (and certainly only my answer in my head) is that super-close guy friends just can't work. At least only one can. Because really...I dont really want my special boy to have some other super-significant girl--friendship that it may be. (so really that didnt answer the question...but hear me out.) I'm not saying he can't be friends with girls. And I expect that his circle of friends could include some. But when it comes down to it, i want to be the number one girl--the one he comes to talk about his day and the one he immediatly associates with making any activity more enjoyable. What this translates to is that I am accountable for maintaining the level of friendships with guys that I would want him to have with girls. As a girl in a educational field with 90% guys I certaily find that alot of my peers (and friends) are guys. I think that (especially at this point in my life and during the early stages of relationships) that I will have guy friends. And these will by guy friends that I hang out with. But not that I hang out with all the time, or even on that regular of a basis. And they will be aware (especially if we're hanging out just the two of us, or if there is any reason to think there might be some confusion) that I am in a relationship with someone else. Anyway...I would like to eventually have the best of both--husband as lover and best friend (and all around huggable...loveable MINE!)
On religion
I use this word because to most people it describes what I'm talking about, even though i think there are better descriptions for what I mean. I believe in God. Its hard to explain how I *know* he exists, but i do. This belief in his existance isn't just a feeling or just logic its just a combination of experiences, feelings, and reason. I can enumerate some of these but its kind of like attempting to trying to define a circle by only 2 or three points so i dont expect these instances to stand alone. It comes from driving through crazy rain and praying for it to stop and it stopping. It come from wondering where the little voice inside comes from that I only have to argue with with I want to do wrong and noticing that it always identifies what is right. And it comes from seeing design around us.
So thats me believing in God but not me in a specific religous point of view. The thoughts on a specefic religious point of view are too complex and in flux to start explaining here, but maybe sometime i'll get around to it.
On petpeeves
I'm bugged by people who don't answer call waiting on a phone line they share with others. If its your own phoneline then its fine with me if you do whatever you want. But if someone else is calling, I think there is an obligation to always answer. I dont like it when people start or finish food that isn't theirs. If the bag is closed, it somehow signifies that it is being saved for something. If you you finish off something, in the same way, you are getting rid of something someone was expecting to be present. The middle portions (with in reason) are fair game.
Bad breath
I'm paranoid about bad breath, and thus try and brush very frequently, and chew gum if i cant access my toothbrush. Similarly, I dont like it when others have bad breath. I would prefer if there was a rule that you had to brush your teeth (or chew gum or a mint--at the very least) within one hour of talking to me (face-to-face). I dont think thats too much to ask. I'll even chip in for the cost of gum.
On morality
By this I mean morals as opposed to the fact that we're all gonna die (oh wait, that's mortality). I think having morals are a good thing. Although people with particularly strong morals are often teased in some way for doing things differently, I think that living by a high standard is generally a respected choice. When commenting on some morals that I respected, I was recently challenged with the idea of why people chose these particular standards. From some, it was a religous standard, for others it was for the good of society, for others it just seemed like a good thing to do. My challenge is to evaluate morals, not on the particualar standards, but rather on the motivation for these standards, and on the commitment to them. Why do something just to do something. Even accepting someone elses standards with out a reason seems less meaningful. Always be able to answer why. Not why I should, but rather, why you do.
On Television
I think television is a fine thing. Sure there are things that probably shouldn't be on TV. And there time certainly better things to be doing most of the time (than watching TV). [side note: I remember reading a question that responced to the idea that people watch TV to relax, it asked if people recall feeling more relaxed after watching TV. Personally I couln't expecially compared to the same time being spent napping or reading...] But, all in all, I don't have a general complaint against it. This being said, I take you back to 2001. During the year there were a few shows I'd watch regulary and a few others I'd watch if I was home and they were on. The shows I made a point of seeing were Ally McBeal (with Varu) and Ed (with my roommates). If I was going to be out, I'd tape them, and generally made a point of seeing each episode. Fast forward to November 2001. I was inspired to do more work on a research project (amoung other things) and to make progress on this site. Nonetheless I was unable to find time to devote to either. Concurrently I realized that I'd missed both shows one week simply because I'd forgotten about them. Although these were shows that i was still interested in and still found enjoyable I realized that I felt no loss in missing them (thought: what would it say if i had felt loss). I put these realizations together and came up with my current responce to television: I dont watch it by myself. Now for further explanation and some highlighted exceptions. I think that I rarely get much out of watching television alone. Certainly I find some amusement and am able to pass the time, but beyond that, not much. I don't have a problem with TV nor following a show. I do think, however, that because I am seeking more time, it makes sense to exclusibly bundle this activity with social engagements. That is, if I want to watch something, I need to find someone to watch it with. In this way I am able to meet regularly with friends and have more productive time. As the monthes progressed I have not had such an intense desire to watch anything that i have needed to find a TV buddy, but I still like the idea. [in practice the shows I followed last year were ones I made a point of watching with others, and perhaps that's why I followed them because on top of being fun shows I associated them with scheduled time with my friends.] As for exceptions, I consider this my 'at home' rule. When I'm visiting my parents, if no one's home I feel no guilt in watching TV. I think this is because I have set aside that time already as free time and no further productivty is required for that time.
On Movies
I see alot of movies. I know that i'm in that small segment of the population that can see movie after movie and still not be tired. The question is--do i see too many movies. Movies are alot like television and yet my decisions about each seem to vary. I am [somewhat] willing to watch movies alone (occasionally in the theater--generally only if i have a soon to expire free-admission and sometimes over break if i'm at home). I think by nature movies tend to be more social than television because they involve congregation at a place. If that place is a theater--then there is social time because you arrive early to get seats. If that place is a living room--then there is social time when you're just comfortable after the movie is over. This is not justification for seeing a lot of movies, nor does it answer the question of do I see too many. Rather it is just an explanation of why movies fall into the social catagory even though i occasionally watch them alone.
On Education
Education is not what I want it to be. Its more about passing tests and securing a grade than about learning. Too often I get my education confused with getting a degree. Frankly, I'm not worried about getting a diploma. So why do i focus only on getting a grade in the class, as opposed to focusing on learning, and taking the grade I get. I've recently challenged myself to make each class about learning what I want to from it. If that means learning less than is on the test, so be it, but if that means reading an extra chapter just for the knowledge that I need to do that. Part of my strategy for placing learning above grades is to not look at my quarter grades. If I'm never going to find out how I did, then my concern with it diminishes.
On instant messaging
I like instant messaging as a venue for a) staying in touch with people who are far away b) planning social activities c) communicating after hours d) leavine messages e) finding out whats up with my friends via profiles and away messages f) expressing myself via my own profile and away messages. I dont like the idea of instant messaging as a replacement for face-time. (I think thats a m$ word).
On philosophy
I want philosophy (classes...the study of....) to be about evaluating and forming a personal outlook on life, as opposed to simply learning about other theories. Certainly exposure to ideas is an important aspect in forming a personal philosophy. But I want to be challenged to defend what I think in light of what i've learned. Ask me what a philosopher says AND what that means to my beliefs.
instant message rants
Why do i say dumb things, but more regettably, why do i obess over the dumb things said in the past. Is this about something specefic, yes, of course it is, why else would this thought be here, but the specifics are inconsequencial. If I wern't so preoccupied with the impression others have of me, would I say dumb things (ok yes i still would) or would i just be me, and say dumb things that dont get obsessed over. {Dont worry people, nothing serious has happened, just found myself replaying a phone conversaion one too many times in the shower)
Tonight I'm left thinking about all the things i want to do. Not things i have to do before the week is over, not thinks i need to do in order get by, but the things I want to do. How excieting. How totally cool it is that I'm at a point in my life where I can make a list of things I want to do, and go do them!
some time i really want to think..and i just cant think productivly...like I'm walking to class and I only have incomplete half-thoughts...and I keep starting the same train of thought only to suddenly find my self thinking of the same song lyric over and over and I cant remember one of the words...but it never comes as I'm continuly distracted by a wierd obession with my umbrella (though if you've seen it you'd know why)